How To Destroy A Relationship

19 Oct
lonely girl

Image by TheAlieness GiselaGiardino via Flickr

I’m not a relationship guru nor do I know a lot about relationships. If you want advice on how to keep your relationship strong and healthy, stray away from my me because quite honestly, I don’t know how. What I can offer you however, are ways to destroy your current relationship. Someone told me this is what I’m good at so here goes. (hangs sarcasm sign on neck)

  1. Be apathetic. Definition from Merriam-Webster: having or showing little or no emotion; having little or no interest or concern. Being apathetic means you just don’t care. Say things less. Better yet, don’t say anything at all. Just a casual groan “ugh” will do.
  2. Don’t verbalize. May it be appreciation, comment, thanks or praise. Keep it to yourself.
  3. Be boring. Needn’t say anything more.
  4. Complain. About everything! The sun, the rain, the traffic, the road, your food preferences, the clothes you wear, your work, your boss. Whatever! Whenever an opportunity presents it, complain.
  5. Be unavailable. Always. Keep a list of lame excuses handy. “I’m experiencing spastic colon right now” – Chuck Bartowski
  6. Lie. This is one of the surefire ways to destroy a relationship. Lie, lie, lie.
  7. Be selfish. Think me, mine, my.
  8. Drama! Everyone hates drama. And I mean everyone. (Except Emos. Wait, so it’s not everyone. Riddle me that!)

Hmm… I guess that’s it. There are a hundred ways more but I think these will do the trick. So there you go. The blame’s not on me if it doesn’t work though.

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